As I boarded the plane with the boys I hoped that the next ten days would give us the break that we needed right now. We needed to have some fun together, and I ached to see the boys smile again. Not that forced smile behind sad eyes that I see every day, but a real smile with that twinkle in their eyes that they had when Noah and Aaron were still alive.
We had a lovely time away with my Mum and brother, going to theme parks, playing on the beach, meeting new people and catching up with family. There were a few highlights of our holiday, but we particularly loved the theme parks. It gave us days full of fun and laughter and it was so nice to see those real smiles again. I thought about Aaron and Noah constantly and knew they would be happy to see us all having such a fun time together.
I’m terrified of big thrill rides, but my twelve year old son Jalen and I loved riding a certain roller coaster together. It was a smaller, indoor coaster, and I knew I could handle it. The first couple of times we were very scared. We had no idea what to expect as we ventured inside to the-literal-darkness. We had no idea where the dips were going to be (we couldn’t even see them coming!), so we held on tight and screamed as we were thrown around corner after corner. Even though it was scary we would get to the end of the ride and say, “That was awesome!” and would run around to line up again.
We rode that coaster many times during the day, and after the first few rides on it, we weren’t scared anymore. We knew when the big dips and corners were coming, and we didn’t have to hold on as tight. We even put our arms in the air as we enjoyed the ride!
After a while we decided that it was time to be brave and go on the biggest roller coaster at the park. It was huge and boasted super fast speeds. I was still terrified but since Aaron passed away, the saying “Life is short” means so much more to me now. As we lined up we were both very nervous. The wait to get on this coaster was a lot longer and gave us ample time to reconsider.
With sweaty palms and racing hearts, we sat down and belted up. We looked at each other, laughed nervously, and wondered why we were so crazy to even think about getting on. The coaster started off very slowly and the anticipation built for when it would take off at record speeds. All of a sudden we were flying up to the top and facing the biggest dip of the day. It was huge and all I could do was shut my eyes and scream. Before I knew it the dip was over and we were heading for another one, and another one.
At times when it was too scary, I shut my eyes, screamed and just held on tight. Other times when I was feeling like I could handle it, I would open my eyes, even if it was just for a second. Before we knew it the ride was over, and we both looked at each other and said again, “That was awesome!”
Why do we put ourselves through things that we are terrified of, like a huge roller coaster?
Because we hope that in the end it’s going to be worth it.
I couldn’t help but think how it’s exactly what life is like. We all made the choice to come to the earth. We chose to line up for the ride and we knew that at times it would be tough. There would be dips and sharp corners, sometimes unseen and unexpected, but we also knew that the ride would be short. And we were promised by our Heavenly Father that it would be worth it.
I feel like my life is very much like a roller coaster right now. It’s terrifying to be a widow at thirty-seven years old and to have to live without my eternal companion and best friend. It’s scary to be a single Mum to three boys on earth and wish that Noah was still with us too. Some days I feel like all I can do it to get through the day is shut my eyes, scream, and hold on tight. Other days I feel like I can open my eyes just a little and enjoy the view before the next dip comes along.
The dips in my life feel way too close together at the moment, and sometimes I feel like it’s too terrifying to stay on the ride. But I have no choice but to finish. I hope that as I hold on tight I will be able to open my eyes more and more and when it’s over, I hope that I will not only feel that it was worth it, but that I'll also say, “That was awesome!”
Lisa King is a woman of faith with a zest for life who
loves photography, chocolate, helping children with special needs and being a mum. TOFW
first met Lisa at the Sydney, AU event in July 2011. We have been amazed at her ability to SEEK
THE GOOD thru the trials that have come her way, including unexpectedly losing
her son and husband within 4 months of each other. Lisa was born and raised, and continues to live in the beautiful area of
Tasmania, AU and looks forward to the day when she can introduce her boys to Rexburg, Idaho, USA, where she has incredible memories of a
year at college before returning to Australia where she met and married her
sweetheart, the late Aaron King.Photo by Alana Aston Photography