Several weeks after my second child, Braeden, was born, I found myself still spending most of my days on the couch while my two-year old watched TV and the baby slept. I rarely showered and did little outside of the bare necessities of caring for my children. It was a good day if I could find the energy to go grocery shopping or run another small errand. I knew I could no longer blame the baby blues, but I also didn’t want to admit I might be suffering from full-blown depression, so I blamed it on stress—the stress of having two children to care for, a husband who was in grad school full-time and also held a demanding church calling, and just plain lack of sleep. I would surely be back to normal when things calmed down a little bit.
But I was shutting down. I couldn’t take care of myself or my children. Things that I had once thought of as enjoyable had become stressful instead of fun. All I wanted to do was sleep, but thoughts of having to wake up and face the next day kept me from sleeping well. My husband, who was working on his doctorate in Marriage & Family Therapy, voiced his concerns that I might be suffering from post-partum depression (PPD), but I refused to hear it. The notion that I would need the sort of help that my husband was qualified to give was unthinkable to me. But I finally heeded his advice. I tearfully called my OB and got on an anti-depressant.
Braeden is now five years old and I have had to come to grips with the fact that I am suffering from Chronic Depression rather than PPD. While I still don’t have everything figured out, I have been blessed to find ways to make my life manageable, whether that be different medications, counselors, dietary changes or group therapy. I am blessed that my husband is a therapist and can help talk me through many things. My faith has played a large role in my fight with depression and I have learned to rely on the Lord in my trial in many ways.
In 2007, Henry B. Eyring urged us to find the little ways that the love of the Lord is apparent in our lives. I put this to the test and was amazed by all of the little things I could find to be thankful for each day. I realized that in spite of my depression—and even sometimes because of it—the Lord sends tender mercies to me on a daily basis. I learned to recognize many moments of happiness and joy that light up my life even during my darkest hours.
Sometimes people around me believe that depression is just laziness, or even a result of sinning, but I know that isn’t the truth. And while I am often tempted to compare what my life is like now to what it used to be, that isn’t helpful—I may as well compare myself to an entirely different person. Instead, I find hope in the fact that depression is a temporal disease and someday, even if it isn’t until the next life, I will be whole and complete. For now, the Lord is by my side and together we can do anything.
About the Author
Lara is the mother to three amazing daughters and wife to a musical genius. When she is not working on her mother-of-the-year status, you can find her singing professionally, teaching other people how to sing, taking hundreds of photographs, reading a good book, finding a great deal on groceries, or maybe even scrapbooking (that is, if she's not blogging).
You can read all about her adventures at Overstuffed.