When my son was 3 we took him to a fancy pizza place. Inside was a bowling alley, blaring music, a buzzing arcade, and bright flashing lights. He was mesmerized. When it was time to go, I noticed that he had taken his shoes off.
"Where are your shoes, buddy?" I asked him. He didn't respond, but kept gazing around at all the sights. I got down on my knees so he could hear me better. "Honey, where are your shoes?" I repeated. Again, he didn't answer me, but kept swiveling his head around so he could see everything. I asked over and over where his shoes were but he just could NOT focus on me with so many distractions. Even if I pulled his chin forward to make eye contact with him, his little eyes would wander over to something else.
I gave up and went to look for the shoes myself. I could not find them anywhere. These, of course, were a new pair of shoes that I had just purchased. And money was so tight at this point that the thought of having to go spend another $8 on shoes made me want to cry. I tried a few more times to get that little boy to lead me to his shoes but nothing worked.
Finally, I realized we were going to have to leave without them. And wouldn't you know it, the second we walked out the door, where it was calm and quiet, he snapped back to reality. "Mom!" he cried. "I don't have my shoes on!" He yanked the door open and ran inside to exactly where he had taken them off. I was stunned.
I have thought about this experience many times since that day. Am I always there when he is trying to communicate with me? Am I so distracted with emails and phone calls and meetings and meals that he has a hard time getting me to focus on him? Am I really hearing what he is saying? And maybe more importantly, am I hearing what he is not saying?
I want to choose to become a mother who will step outside the door of a blaring, buzzing, busy life to really be there for him. To really hear his small voice--as well as the small voice of the spirit--to know what he feels, what he fears, and what it is that I need to help him find--whether that be confidence, answers, or faith.
Even if I am with him physically, I want to choose to be a "be there" mom.