Then on April 20, 2006, my faith bank account was sucked dry. That day my living breathing angel James stopped living and breathing after a tragic fall from our second story window. It seemed pointless to save now, after I had gone through so much work only to discover my faith did not have any real value when it counted. I found myself scrambling for answers and consumed with anger. I had diligently deposited faith for many years, saving up to purchase a miracle if I ever needed one. I wanted my son to live. Why didn’t my faith buy what I wanted?

Lots of kids fall from windows—14,000 per year in fact. Of those 14,000 falls, only 17 are fatal. That means 13,983 people got a miracle. Why wasn’t my balance enough? Had my faith been counterfeit all these years?

For the next four years I made daily withdrawals from my spiritual bank account with my anger. I wrote spiritual checks with insufficient funds and got further into spiritual financial ruin. Unwilling to let go of my anger, which is quite expensive, I remained in spiritual debt.

I wished I could die so I could be with my baby again, but I couldn’t. And I knew it. I begged God, pled even: “God, I’m about to claim spiritual bankruptcy. I am about to give up because I have nothing left in my faith bank account to keep me going. I'm going in spiritual debt every day. I can't gain here; I'm only losing ground. I can't find a way to get ahead of this spiritual debt."

As an answer I received the most magnificent deposit ever made into my account. He said, “Daughter, remember that I Iove you beyond words or description. My love for you is unconditional and insurmountable. You are cherished and watched over. The debt you are in has already been paid through the atonement of my son, and your brother, Jesus Christ. When no one else understands what it feels like to be in such spiritual ruin, He does. You are not paying this spiritual debt off alone. While you believe your faith bank account has been withdrawn, it has only grown. Understand that I had to make a temporary withdrawal to make an investment that would only increase the value of your faith. Your faith isn’t gone at all; it’s just been on reserve. You are ready to have access to your bank account again. The way you make deposits though is not just through obedient living; it’s through gratitude living.“

When I realized how valuable a gratitude bank account was, I was able to go forward with a service attitude. Through service I gained gratitude, through gratitude I gained faith. Through faith I let go of my anger. By letting go of my anger, I stopped overdrawing my accounts.

My life is far from perfect, but in my heart I know my adversity was exactly what I needed to see how many blessings God has poured upon my life. Everyday I’m astounded at how much laughter, joy, contentment, smiling and true genuine happiness my gratitude currency buys me. I’m grateful to be grateful. It’s what happiness is.

Michelle Newman, James’ Momma.

Michelle is the mother of three beautiful children, two of which she is raising as a single mother with the her oldest son James being their guardian angel. James passed away tragically in April of 2006. Michelle has been a professional photographer for six years and is grateful everyday for the opportunity to give to others what she wished she could give to herself, the gift of memories. Along with being a photographer, she is an author and inspirational speaker encouraging those around her to face their adversity with courage. She enjoys many hobbies and loves anything adventurous. Her hobbies include wake boarding, snow boarding, hiking, rock climbing, playing the piano and guitar, knitting and baking.

Michelle blogs at: Michelle's Days