It felt like I walked into an action-packed movie, the intensity at its peak. I was a main character, but I did not know my lines or how to play my role. How did I get to this point? Well, it all began with the “D” word…
My goal from the time I was a girl was to meet someone, fall in love, marry in the temple and live happily ever after. I met a man who treated me well and we seemed like best friends who could talk about anything. We were married in the temple, but over time our relationship lacked depth, especially in the spiritual sense. This was not what I wanted, but I accepted it. However after thirteen years of marriage and two children, he told me that he did not feel connected to me. And then I faced that ugly “D” word: Divorce. Words cannot describe how my heart ached.
Where had I failed? I had always attended church and lived a good life. I had married in the temple. But where was my happy ending? I longed to feel peace.
There were times I wanted to close my eyes, as if on a roller coaster, and hold my breath until the ride came to a stop. But I had two children who needed me. I turned to Heavenly Father and He became my anchor. This was the beginning of the healing process.
Peace came as I attended the temple and through the healing power of Christ. As painful as it was, this trial allowed me to feel an overwhelming love from my Savior that I had not experienced before.
Unless you have been there, it is hard to understand what it is like to be single again after a divorce. I started the dating experience again and it felt strange. I thought it might be easier to date someone without children. I had read about wicked stepmoms in fairy tales and I certainly did not want that label! However, I met a wonderful man who had five children. I did not think I could handle that many kids, especially teenagers. I was intimidated, but that sweet guy won my heart. I was thrilled, but the minute that beautiful engagement ring hit my finger, the roller coaster ride I had been on sped up, and I had to tighten my seatbelt! Being a mom and stepmom is not a ride for the faint of heart.
Over the last four and a half years we have experienced a little of everything from blending our families, to dealing with teenagers, becoming grandparents, working with ex-spouses and having a baby! In the beginning, I woke up every day with anxiety because I did not know what to expect. Being in a blended family is like managing a small corporation and making sure all the puzzle pieces fit together. Over time, piece by piece, we have come to love this new adventure.
It has been such an intense ride, but I would not trade my experience for anything. I have grown so immensely from this situation and have learned to love beyond measure.
Maryann blogs at: The New Blended Bunch
