47. Putting on Your Heavenly Crown with Elaine Dalton
Choosing grace and poise instead of hot takes and big reactions isn’t popular in our culture, but maybe it’s just the thing we need to have more peace in our lives. When is the last time you thought about what it means to be poised? Elder Mark A. Bragg said, “poise is not spoken about much these days and practiced even less in turbulent and divisive times.” Developing poise is a deliberate way to be active peacemakers in a world where having the loudest reaction gets the most attention. Poise rises above the noise and provides us with personal, steady calmness which then allows us to create more peace in the lives of others.
“Part of developing poise is remembering and owning and believing in who we are.” —Elaine Dalton
Elaine Dalton joins Kathryn on this week’s episode where they discuss the lost art of poise and how it is an important part of peacemaking.
At times, we can lose a sense of our nobility and who we are. Poise is remembering that we are divine and we are queens and daughters of a Heavenly King.
Poise can bring calm and confidence into our lives. When we walk into a situation with faith in Jesus Christ, there is a confidence that comes.
We were set apart to come to the earth in this time, and seeing others with those same eyes will help us remember that those around us are noble and great.
Having charity will bring more poise into our lives.
The Savior’s example can help us remember to always respond with poise.
Small & Simple Challenge
Repent daily! None of us are perfect, when when we utilize the atonement of Jesus Christ in our lives daily, we can change. When we do that quickly and daily, we will become more like Him.
Transcript +
Kathryn Davis 00:00 Choosing grace and poise instead of hot takes and big reactions isn't popular in our culture. But maybe could it be just the thing we need to have more peace in our lives? Hi, and welcome to magnify an LDS Living podcast where we cheer, inspire and embolden each other as women and followers of Christ. We help to use our influence to make a difference in the world. I'm your host, Kathryn Davis, a mom, a seminary teacher, and a grilling enthusiast who loves God. When is actually the last time you thought about what it meant to be poised? Is it even valuable anymore? Elder Mark A. Bragg said poise is not spoken about much these days and practice even less in turbulent and divisive times. Developing poise is a deliberate way to be active peacemakers in a world where oftentimes having the loudest reaction is the one that gets the most attention. Poise rises above the noise and provides us with personal steady calmness, which then allows us to create more peace in our lives and in the lives of those around us. And joining me today is sister Elaine Dalton and we are going to talk about poise and what that looks like in today's world. I have been looking forward to having you on this podcast since it began.
Elaine Dalton 01:25 Oh, thank you, Kathryn, it is so good to just be able to visit with you.
Kathryn Davis 01:31 Yeah, I've I just adore you. So before we kind of dive into this conversation, I have some rapid fire questions for you so our viewers can get to know you a little bit better. Okay. You ready? How many marathons Have you run? And what do you love about running?
Elaine Dalton 01:49 I have run 17 marathons. Two of those were Boston's. And what I love about running is just the quiet time that you have when you're training, especially when you do the long runs. Or the other thing I love is just being with other people and doing your personal best. I mean, I know that I'm never gonna win a marathon. I hope when I'm 90 I can run one and take my age group but but I don't know when but I also know I will when I can exercise that discipline to get up daily. Prepare and do my very best then I've been I've won because I'm not competing with other people. I'm competing with my with myself. So that's those are the things I love. I love cross finish line too, and I love getting the medal.
Kathryn Davis 02:46 A little bling. Yeah. Okay, I know you're an amazing grandma. So what is the best part about being a grandma?
Elaine Dalton 02:57 Do you know for me, the best part about being the grandma is I've totally eliminated the word "no" from my vocabulary. And that is so cool. And I wish I could raise my children again, because you know what these kids? Nana, can I have a popsicle? Nana, can I have this? Can I have that? Yes, yes. When I was a mom, I'd say no, you've had too much sugar or whatever, you know. And I wish I could go back and change all that. Plus we have you have to know I have five boys and one daughter. And I never had a sister. And we have 15 grand daughters. Now, five grandsons. I love them all the same. But to have 15 girls in my home one time. It's just so cool. I love it.
Kathryn Davis 03:46 Well, I think you love young women. Right? And you have served many years in the church as a leader in the young women's and as general Young Women's president. And I want to know what did you love most about meeting young women from all over the world?
Elaine Dalton 04:05 Oh, you know what I love is I love their spirits. they radiate this spirit of nobility. I sometimes I don't know that they know that. But I love just being when I am in a room with young women or young adult women. They energize me because I feel the light that they're gathering and I and I just love the feeling of the Spirit that they have. They're unique. They're different. They've been reserved to be on the earth right now.
Kathryn Davis 04:36 Well, Elaine, I don't think there's anyone better in the world to discuss poise with than you. Oh, you're so sweet. To me. You truly epitomize poise. But I think that's the word we don't use very often, or actually very rarely. So what is poise to you and why do you think it's important?
Elaine Dalton 04:59 You know, when I first heard Elder Bragg talk about poise, poise, I think is different in a worldly sense, but to talk about spiritual poise, or Christlike poise. I think that is the most exciting concept, especially for a woman, or women or young women to be able to develop that. And okay, so I'll give you a kind of, I've thought about this a lot, since his talk, poise, for me, is remembering who I am. And my mom used to say that to me all the time, Elaine, remember who you are, and what you're what you stand for. So poise for me is remembering who I am. And it is also staying focused is running a marathon staying focused on the goal. And the goal has always been for me, to be able to return back into the presence of Heavenly Father, pure and worthy. And having made choices that will make him proud just like in our, our family. So I think staying focused, understanding who you are, and then accessing all the power you can get. And that's a lot the power of the Holy Ghost, and the power of our covenants.
Kathryn Davis 06:22 So you mentioned earlier, that poise is something we can develop. Do you believe that we all have to work on developing poise? Or is that just something we're naturally given? Do some people have more poise than others? Or what do you think?
Elaine Dalton 06:41 I think that's a really good question. I think we can acquire poise, I think we came to the earth. With that also a spiritual gift, we had to have that spiritual gift to be in the presence of God. But I think the world gets so loud, and so many things distracted. And I think of late, since after COVID, I think people have gotten grouchy. And I think they, I think they and I'm gonna include myself in that they, we sometimes just are grouchy, and we lose that sense of nobility of who we are and where we want to where we're going. And that's easy. Don't you think? It's easy when someone just lashes out at you to lash back? You know, even in the car, when someone yells at you, you kind of just want to put your fist up don't and say, Hey, buddy, I'm doing the best I can, you know? Yeah. So I think we just have to, I used to tell the young women and I had a little crown in my office, I'd have them put that on. And I really poise is putting on your crown every morning and saying, I am a daughter of Heavenly Father. And He loves me. You know, and I think when you put that crown on, and then when you walk into any situation, you just say to yourself like a queen has arrived by and then you look at others. And stay and I am in the company of kings and queens. These are noble and great spirits right here. And it doesn't matter what they look like or how they act. That's who we're associating with.
Kathryn Davis 08:21 I think that's important part of developing poise is remembering and owning, and believing in who we are. In fact, you mentioned Elder Bragg. And he talked about three elements of Christlike poise and his talk. And he said, the first attribute is knowing who we are, and being true to our divine identity. And then he said this that brings calm. So how has the knowledge that you are a daughter of a king, when you put on that crown? How has that knowledge brought calm into your life?
Elaine Dalton 08:59 I think for me, it's brought confidence. I think when you walk into any situation, with confidence in who you uniquely are not not haughty, or in a braggy way, but just in a in a confidence means with faith, I think so whenever you walk into a situation with faith "com fideo" it's from the Latin "with faith". I think it brings a calm because the faith we have is of course in Jesus Christ. And knowing that we're we're representing him and knowing that God is expecting great things, for me brings a lot of calm because then I'm not looking around a room comparing myself with other people. I'm just trying to be my best self.
Kathryn Davis 09:54 I love that definition of calm, because sometimes when we think of calm we Being quiet or reserved or being still right, but calm how you just describe it as confidence and confidence inside that we can enter a room, whether we're loud or dancing, or engaging in conversation, that we can still be calm, and it's an inner calmness?
Elaine Dalton 10:19 I think so. And you know, Kathryn, I have to say, when I first met you, one of my very first impressions of you was, Oh, she has so much poise. So how did you get yours because you have it?
Kathryn Davis 10:36 Okay, you're gonna make me cry. I was just gonna say like, the first time I met you, I was doing something that was really scary and really new, and something that I hadn't done. And so I was nervous. And I did it. And I came back and you just wrapped your arms around me. And you were like, You were terrific. And I just think you have this beautiful ability, Elaine to, to lift and to build. And to me, that's poise. And I just think for me, that is something that I've tried to do in my life is to lift and to build. And I have found that I don't, I think that's so kind that you would describe me as being poised. But I just think there is this inner confidence that comes from knowing who we are, that there's greater value in what my Heavenly Father thinks about me than what others think about me.
Elaine Dalton 11:37 I love that about you, Kathryn, you are amazing. And you know, and everyone who knows, you know, that you don't sit back in a little corner and be quiet. You're so filled with poise and confidence and calmness it radiates.
Kathryn Davis 11:52 Well, I just want to go to a quote that you gave, is it weird when people quote back to you things that you've said?
Elaine Dalton 12:00 it's so funny, because you know, really been inspired by Heavenly Father. And so sometimes I don't even recognize them.
Kathryn Davis 12:06 This is a really good quote, you said this in a 2022 address to Ensign College students. "Virtue begins in the heart and in the mind, it is nurtured in the home. And it is the accumulation of thousands of small decisions and actions. Virtuous women and men possess a quiet dignity and inner strength, they are confident because they are worthy to receive and to be guided by the Holy Ghost."
Elaine Dalton 12:31 I remember that one. Do you? Yes. Because I got it, I plagiarized. It came from Doctrine and Covenants 45, "Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly," and then it goes on, "and then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God." And then it goes on to say, and thy scepter will be a scepter of righteousness, and the Holy Ghost will be your constant companion. And that's advice from directly from our Father in heaven.
Kathryn Davis 13:03 And I think that's what Elder Bragg is, is teaching us is that calm and inner confidence comes from understanding our divine identity. And the next thing Elder Bragg said about having poise was this, he said, "remembering that there is a grand plan engenders courage and poise in challenging conditions." So I mentioned this before, but I have seen you interact with all types of people all over the country. And with every interaction, you have this way of building and seeing light and seeing goodness, even when they tell you challenging conditions, you have a way of understanding that God's plan and purpose is greater than challenges at the moment. And so I just How do you do that? How does remembering the plan influence your interactions with others?
Elaine Dalton 14:00 Well, that's that's a really good question. I think we should all ask ourselves all the time. But here's what happened to me. When I was called to be the general young women president, President Monson set me apart. And he placed his hands upon my head and, and gave me a lot of strength. I would call them spiritual gifts that I didn't have. And one of those was so precious. It astounded me it was the ability to see the women and the young women of the church the way our Heavenly Father sees them. I'll never forget the first time I was sitting on the stand looking out at a crowd of young women and saw these noble elect glorious spirits. And it was just transformative and that happened over and over again, when I was General young women president, it didn't matter what the girl looked like or acted like I could see this other person. And I was always so in awe, and so grateful and humbled to be in her, her or their presence. And just to be able to associate with people who are on the earth right now who are so noble and so great, and their behavior may not, may not show that, but but they are. And so that gift stayed with me throughout my calling. And, and one of the worries I had was that every single gift that I'd been given, would leave. And a lot of them did. But that one has stayed. It's been magnified, actually. And so I approach people differently, because I know that, that they've maybe forgotten something. But I can see, and I try to remind them, I wish everyone could have the experience that I've had in that regard. But it's a wonderful gift, and one that I think we can all obtain, if we pray for it, and live for it, and use it to serve others. I think knowing the plan of salvation, and the fact that we were reserved, it tells us right in doctrine, covenants 138, we were reserved to come forth in this the dispensation, the fullness of times, and then it tells us what we're supposed to do, to take part in building the temples and so on and so forth. And then Moroni tells us, Arise, now put on your beautiful garments, and strengthen thy stakes that the covenants that you have made can be fulfilled. So all over in the scriptures, even Alma says, We were exceedingly faithful in the premortal world. So here we are, all of us together on the earth. All of us, every single person was exceedingly faithful. And that's why they're here now. And so you get those eyes to see that person. And when, when that happens, all your actions in your interactions are affected, and they change. How can you yell at that noble and great person who's right next to you can't?
Kathryn Davis 17:25 I think it's so beautiful, that of all the gifts you were given, one of the ones that stayed is this ability to see others as our Heavenly Father sees. And I just want to know, Elaine, how has that gift changed your interactions now that you're not in a calling? But how has that gift in changed your interactions with family members?
Elaine Dalton 17:49 They're so precious. I mean, how do words even describe this? To look in the eyes of these little grandchildren? And also to watch my children become parents and see how they do things. I am just in total awe. They are such, they're notches above me. And I want to be like them. I'm trying to be like them. And I'm trying to teach them that because I think it's really important. Can I tell you a story? Yes. Not so long ago, we had some people here working on our, our home, and I went out and asked them if they they would like to have some lunch. And they were a little bit surprised at that. They said, Well, yeah, we'd love that. And so I made a lunch for them. And my granddaughter was here. And we we we took out some beautiful plates and put them on the patio table and some beautiful goblets. And she said, Nana, why are you putting all the your best things out here for these men? And I said, because they're, they're there. They're helping us. And we want them to be treated like kings, because they are. And she was really puzzled that but as I had her, pour water for them when they are when their glasses were empty, and so forth. She came in at one point and she said, Nana, they're sitting up and they're eating just like they are kings. And I said they are and don't ever forget that they are and maybe they forgotten a little bit. But we have to constantly remind them who they are, by the way we treat them and they work. They are kings.
Kathryn Davis 19:39 What a powerful example. Truly the understanding the plan of salvation, and treating others as who we were born to be, can influence and change our hearts as well as theirs.
Elaine Dalton 19:56 And don't you think the world just kind of tries to pound that out of us?
Kathryn Davis 20:00 So, yeah, and I think Satan has done that from the very beginning. Right? With Moses, he tried to do that with the Savior Himself to pound that out, and he's gotten good at it. So we need all of these reminders of who we are our identity, and that helps us have poise. I think that's such a beautiful word that we never use anymore.
Elaine Dalton 20:23 I know. It's kind of like virtue, poise, and virtue. They're kind of old fashioned words, but I love them too Kathryn.
Kathryn Davis 20:30 The third and final element of poise that Elder Bragg shared was that we need to know the enabling power of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. And actually, President Nelson also said in the April 2023, conference, he said that Jesus Christ is always the answer. So Elaine, how does remembering the Savior bring about personal peace and personal poise for you?
Elaine Dalton 20:54 Well, remembering him has has become one of my goals. And and by that I mean, as I partake of the sacrament, every single week, I actually covenant with God that I will always remember his son, and keep His commandments and even take his name upon me. And as I visualize what that looks like, it really is perhaps the epitome of charity. And I think when a person possesses charity, they possess poise. And so I work on myself, I'm working on myself, because boy, I am so human, it's just sickening, isn't it? Sometimes we realize how mortal we really are. But the fact that we get to renew that covenant every single week, to always remember him. And so in any charged situation that I'm in, I, anything that brings contention, I'm always thinking, okay, what would He do? Okay, what would He do? I know what Elaine would do. I have to exercise all power I have to just make myself respond in the way the Savior would and what's so incredible about that is that his response is usually just the opposite of my natural response. And I'm astounded by it, and I'm learning from it. You know, instead of retaliating and shouting back, what did he do, he knelt on the ground and drew in dirt with his finger. I mean, his response was the epitome of poise, of spiritual poise, of confidence of knowing who he was, why he was here, understanding that he was key to the plan, and understanding that he would perform and give all of us one of the greatest gifts ever given the atonement, the infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ, is the greatest gift. And that is an enabling power that we can access to make us better, and stronger and more courageous and more poised than we, we can be.
Kathryn Davis 23:07 And I, again, I love that phrase, the enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Sometimes we don't talk about the enabling power.
Elaine Dalton 23:15 Well, yeah, I know. You know, Emily Belle Freeman is talking about it a lot. She talks, she uses the term grace. Yeah, one of the definitions for grace is an enabling power, which comes through the atonement of our Savior.
Kathryn Davis 23:30 Right to help us become.
Elaine Dalton 23:33 Yeah, she's leading the young women toward the Savior and helping them understand they have access to his infinite Atonement, not just to change, but to be strengthened and enabled to do things that we normally would minimize ourselves in the world. But we don't have to minimize ourselves because we do understand the plan. And that Jesus fulfilled his part. Now we just have to fulfill ours. Right.
Kathryn Davis 24:00 Right. He's just well, and I, I really appreciate how you said that. It's when you take the sacrament, that you think about that enabling power of the Savior, and also your relationship with him. You mentioned earlier that the adversary is really good at beating that out of us that divine identity and I think because we turn everywhere else to find out our value and our worth, and we're not turning to him and we're not relying on the Savior. And I think the sacrament is a beautiful time to take those moments given to us each week. What a gift to rely on that enabling power of the atonement, but where else do you go or what else do you do to actually rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ and to find some of that grace and enabling power?
Elaine Dalton 25:00 Well, course you know what I'm going to say Kathryn. In the temple, I feel more strongly than I ever have my identity, and how beloved I am. Even though I'm always making mistakes, that place has a way of making me come out feeling like a queen. And so that's, that's where I go. I mean, it's everything. Again, Elder Bragg mentioned to remember who I am to remember that there's a plan and focus on Jesus Christ and His infinite Atonement, because that's all we learn about in the temple. That's what we have come to know. He is the one that makes it possible for us to become what the scripture say pure, even as He is pure.
Kathryn Davis 25:52 So Elaine, I just want to say you are such an amazing example to me and so many of Christlike poise. And I truly believe anybody listening to this can feel that from you. Like it just radiates from you. So who is an example of Christ like boys to you?
Elaine Dalton 26:17 Oh, wow, there are so many, of course, my husband, and he, he has to have poise because he's married to me. And he has never really lost his cool or his poise with me. He has always treated me so well. And I am so grateful for the covenants that we have made together. And I'm so grateful for the the the eternity that we can see together and for, for his honoring those those covenants.
Kathryn Davis 26:53 I love this conversation. And I just keep thinking about what an example all of this is for me and and a desire to develop poise. We've talked a lot about covenants before Elaine, and I've never really connected that together, that my covenants can give me power to be and have poise. And I could develop that.
Elaine Dalton 27:21 Yeah, and I think that's probably what we're being asked to do by prophets. As women especially being asked to like Moroni said, awake and Arise and be who we've been sent here to be. And, and we it's been prophesied that in the in the last days that we will draw people to us, because we're different, okay? Different in happy ways. So maybe that difference can be described in one word, poise, poise. I don't know, think about that.
Kathryn Davis 28:01 I know, I just really haven't even put that together. But it is different. It is unique. And it's all those attributes of the Savior. It's understanding who we are, it's understanding his plan, and understanding who he is and what He has done for us. And that's poise.
Elaine Dalton 28:21 And it's being pure and virtuous enough to have the constant companionship of a member of the Godhead, the Holy Ghost. And if we don't want to disturb that relationship, and have that constant guidance and companionship, that will, he will bring the calm, He will testify to us of who we are, he will help us to be more than we could ever be without the Holy Ghost. And I think those will be the happy, different, and let's say poised ways.
Kathryn Davis 28:55 Well, Elaine, I don't know if you know, but we'd like to end every conversation with a small and simple challenge, something that we can do to work on through the week. So what would be your small and simple challenge to help all of us develop more poise?
Elaine Dalton 29:12 Well, I think I think my small and simple challenge would be repent daily. Repent, we are not perfect. I am definitely not perfect. I realize more and more my imperfections. But I think that we need to utilize the infinite Atonement of our Savior to change, and as we do that, as we repent quickly, even daily, I think that we can become more and more like him. It's a process and we have time, but we never know how much time we have. And so I think it's very important that we act as his disciple, and we become His disciples on here on the earth Every day, because we never know if we'll be here the next day.
Kathryn Davis 30:04 Elaine, you are a gift.
Elaine Dalton 30:06 No you are. Thank you.
Kathryn Davis 30:17 I don't say this lightly when I say this conversation with Elaine Dalton has changed me. What has stood out to me is that poise is making others know and feel of their divine worth and their divine identity. Thank you for being here and hop on over to Instagram at magnify community for more inspiration and conversation. And of course, subscribe and listen to the Magnify podcast wherever you get your shows. See you next week.